Redeeming Birth, Redeeming Love

I have had the privilege of reading so many birth stories lately.
 

Kyla Ann (1 month old)

Having the gumption to write my own is another story, however. I don't have a pretty story. But, it IS my story.

On October 30, 2010 I woke up feeling ill. . . It was then we discovered I was pregnant with our first baby!! Everything went as planned & we had a pretty uneventful pregnancy until May (middle of 3rd trimester) came around.
I started feeling exceptionally weak & sick. I thought it was just my morning sickness returning, so I blew it off. I started waking in the middle of the night with uncontrollable itching on the palms of my hands and the bottoms of my feet.
One week later I was admitted into labor & delivery due to persistent throwing up, shakes & itching.  I was having steady contractions 2-3 min apart. At 33 weeks pregnant I was terrified for both the baby & myself. This was not what was supposed to be happening.

Right after my C-Section with Kyla

Blood work was done & I was diagnosed with Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy. Long story short, my bile acids were seeping into my blood stream & making baby toxic as well as making me quite ill. The doctors were able to stop the labor at 33 weeks and I was put on rest until 37 weeks when the doctors would induce me to avoid further complications & risk to my baby.

I'm pretty sure I couldn't have been happier at this moment

28 hours into labor with Alexis-Finally dilating. Right before epidural

 The evening of June 24 rolled around & I was admitted to the hospital for an induction. I was SO excited to meet this baby!!
Cervidil was given to soften the cervix to make dilation possible. We were told to get some sleep while it worked (which was impossible... we were MUCH too excited!)
Contractions began and started getting closer together. We finally came to a stand-still around 4cm dilated so pitocin was started. Holy hell contractions went from bearable to "I want an out of body experience" within minutes. I was 28hrs into labor since having steady, working contractions & we all consented that an epidural was the smartest decision so I could relax and rest.
Trevor & I both slept for a couple of hours and I woke with a pressure that was unreal & the need to throw up. I puked, called for the nurse, & was told I was fully dilated-It was time to push.
I pushed for 4hrs. Baby girl got so far we could touch her head & feel her hair. We were SO close to meeting her.
The doctors told me she was jammed behind my pubic bone; my hips weren't flexing to let her through. We tried different positions and more and more pushing, but nothing progressed.
Suddenly the monitor started freaking out-
After being told the baby's heart rate stopped for too long & was becoming erratic I was being wheeled into the operating room.
I remember getting a bolus in my epidural that shot the worst pain of my life through my back, neck & head. Instant migraine & more throwing up. I.Was.Terrified.
Even numb, I could feel my body being wrenched back & forth. A nurse gasped as my blood sprayed the operating team, including my anesthesiologist who was behind the curtain by my face.
The baby was stuck so hard they had to use reverse suction to get her out. The machine slipped off her head twice, cutting her head & spraying my blood everywhere.
She was OUT!!
My body started shaking so hard & losing blood quickly. I was in shock. Last thing I remember was Trevor holding my hand tightly & everything.went.black.

In recovery being monitored after my C-Section with Alexis

I woke up in recovery surrounded by some fabulous nurses, my husband, and a darling little bundle. Little did I know it had been 4hrs since my daughter was born. Trevor and Alexis were taken out of the operating room as I was put completely out so the doctors could sew me up and control the bleeding. We were in the hospital for 8 days due to Alexis being severely jaundiced. I, however, was feeling MUCH better. Weaker than I had expected, but much better. I didn't care. We got our baby girl, she was here safe and sound, and my cholestasis was gone.  Alexis Renee was born June 27, 2011.

Alexis Renee (1 month old)

October 17, 2011 (my 23rd birthday, woot woot!) I got a big fat positive... I was pregnant AGAIN. 

This pregnancy started off shaky with a lot of bleeding in the beginning & many MANY graphic nightmares from my previous labor & delivery, but all was well. I met and prayed with many people to deal with the PTSD from my previous birth.   

Around 28/29weeks the pre-term labor started. I was in and out of the hospital more times than I'd like to remember. My cholestasis was back. 

I was a wreck. Thinking that I was going to repeat what happened last June was terrifying. We decided on a scheduled C-Section this time around.

My C-Section date came & I was feeling pretty good. Alexis was at home with my older sister & Trevor and I headed to the hospital in good spirits. 

Nurses came in and prepped me, started my IV, & I got my consult with my anesthesiologist. It was TIME! We all started walking back to the operating room. Trevor had to wait outside until I had my spinal & was fully prepped, draped & ready to go. He kissed me on the forehead & told me it was going to be ok. I lost it.

I was trembling and the tears were flowing as I walked (what seemed for miles) alone with the nurse down the hallway to the ice cold operating room.  

My spinal was given and I was laid back down and draped. I almost immediately started throwing up (nerves, spinal... it ALL had to do with it). As soon as Trevor met my side I was calm. We chatted about our daughter off and on.

A big surge of pressure on my abdomen and Kyla Ann came out screaming! When I saw her, heard her, touched her... such an intense rush of emotions flooded through me. She came out with the best apgar score a baby can so I got to hold her & kiss her the entire time they were sewing me up. We went into recovery together where I breastfed her & laughed with Trev. I did it. It was a PERFECT delivery for me! It was redeeming, it was beautiful. I had two healthy baby girls.

Kyla Ann was born June 27, 2012. 

I have 2 girls born exactly, to the day, one year apart. My "Irish Twins."

I praise the Lord for a happy, healthy family of FOUR!!

We couldn't be happier. I praise God daily for our story. And I am so thankful that I can finally find the time & emotion to write it all out.

Cradle renovation

I was given a family heirloom to pass down to my girls. My Grandmother saved a doll cradle that was made for my Mom by my Great-Grandfather. 

Upon receiving it I wasn't sure if we had room for it, or what to do with it exactly. The girls needed a toy bin, so it quickly became a catch-all for the toys, blocks, etc. 

After searching Pinterest I couldn't help myself, I just HAD to use some of that chalkboard paint that so many people are using. 

A little bit of sanding, primer & spray paint brought this darling heirloom to life!

Here it is!  

Before/After

I used a turquoise spray pain for the body of the crib & painted the ends in chalkboard paint. My 14 month old is loving scribbling on it & it still holds all her toys (including an old cabbage patch doll that was given to me when I was 3 years old).

Not bad for my first round with chalkboard paint! :)

Cloth Diapers Galore

I've been asked to write about cloth diapering two babies under two years old quite a few times. So I thought it was time to write a blog post about it!

Cloth Diapers are by far my FAVORITE baby item!

I have Alvas, BumGenius 4.0 & SoftBums in my stash. I have 26 diapers per child (2 babies here!) & that accounts for every other day washing. 

When you first buy your diapers you want to make sure to prep them properly once. Simply with 3 HOT washes; first with soap, and last two without. Then you want to dry the inserts and covers on HIGH heat for 15min to seal the seams to ensure no leaking. (Every other time you wash you want to line-dry the covers so it doesn't break down the PUL (the waterproof lining within the diaper) & will help the longevity of your stash!

Lexi at almost a year hanging out while I sun her diapers (9mo pregnant)

Most of the Alva Baby diapers from my stash

Alva Baby diapers have been, by far, the most cost effective diapers of the whole lot (and they have the cutest prints!). I ordered them from AlvaBaby.com for around $6 per diaper. Each diaper came with a microfiber insert & I ordered an additional 20 bamboo inserts to go along with those for double stuffing the diapers for night use (can I get a woot woot for babies that sleep through the night?!)

The bamboo inserts are awesome- they are much thinner than the microfiber inserts & just as absorbent. Definitely worth the investment there. 

The Alva Baby diapers are AIO (all in one) diapers, meaning you stuff the inserts inside the pocket & toss the whole diaper in the diaper pail every use. Similar to a disposable in that way I suppose.  

The BumGenius 4.0 diapers are extremely similar to the Alvas. They are also an AIO, and the ones I bought come with snap closure, but they are offered in velcro as well (Alvas are not). These work about the same as the Alvas, but at a cost around $17-$20 per diaper. All of my BumGenius diapers were bought from a local baby company "Along Comes A Baby" but you can find them on many different sites as well from many WAHM (work at home mom) retailers. 

SoftBums are certainly my favorite cloth diaper. They are the truest "One Size Fits All" diaper that I have tried on my girls. They have fit my ittty bitty at 8lbs and my biggest little at 26lbs (and still growing!). The difference in the SoftBums is that they have an elastic band in the legs that is adjustable for a perfect, custom fit for each baby; they have snap-in inserts that have fleece on one side & microfiber (or bamboo) on the other; they are an AI2 (all in two!). The snap-in inserts are awesome because if the baby has just peed a bit in the diaper I can just change the insert & keep the cover for another change (or two!). You can also stuff an insert in the pocket and use the diaper as an AIO just like the Alvas & BG's. I bought all of my SoftBums with velcro, which is fabulous for the itty bitty babies, but I do prefer snap closure when they are older (only because then they can't rip the diaper off as easily)... 

Almost every SoftBum in my stash is an "Omni." I do have a few "Echo" SoftBums also. The Echos do not have a pocket to stuff and are also trimmer in the thighs. I like using the Echos for the smaller babes, but the Omnis are my "preferred diaper."   The only downside to the SoftBums is that they come at a pretty steep price of $21 per diaper (which does NOT include any inserts).

Flannel/Velour cloth wipes

In addition to using cloth diapers I use cloth wipes. These wipes were bought from a local Mama & are 8x8 flannel/velour serged together.
I fold them like disposable wipes would be & put them in a regular wipe box so they come out like every other wipe would!
I use a wipe solution of warm water & a squirt of Dr. Bronner's Castile Soap. Any baby soap will do though. I like using the peppermint soap so baby always smells super fresh after every change.

SUPER cute prints!

 Diaper rash is bound to happen to any babe at some point. With cloth diapers you do NOT want to use regular creams because they will clog the fabric & cause repelling issues with your diapers.
I use regular baby powder with every diaper change, and if they start getting a rash (hello teething toddler poos!) I rub some extra virgin coconut oil on her bum & give it lots of air time.
There isn't anything wrong, by the way, with switching to a disposable for a little time to lather your babe in a zinc-based diaper cream to blast that rash quickly.

You will hear of many people using wet or dry diaper pails. I prefer a dry pail. I use a regular kitchen sized garbage can with a reusable water-proof liner inside for my diapers. I wash every other day. Here's my wash routine:
One warm/cold rinse with no detergent
One HOT wash with detergent
One HOT wash/extra rinse with no detergent
I ONLY use Rock in Green cloth diaper detergent. It is made for cloth diapers & I have had zero build-up or repelling issues since switching to it. I do make my own laundry detergent, but a few of the ingredients started building of over time & I had to strip my stash of diapers (NOT FUN).
To strip diapers I use 1/4 cup bleach after regular washing, and rinse rinse rinse until I cannot smell ammonia or bleach anymore. (If the bleachy smell lingers a bit sun your diapers, the sun will turn the bleach to salt (essentially) so there won't be any irritation to your baby's bum.

Nothing prettier than cloth hanging on the line in the sun! (When we have sun that is) 

Sunning your diapers is the best! The sun is a natural disinfectant & keeps away any odors that could build up in your inserts & covers. Plus, nothing is better than saving money by not having to run the dryer!

I bought all my Alvas from www.alvababy.com
I bought all my BumGenius 4.0 diapers from http://www.alongcomesababy.com
I bought all my SoftBums, water proof pail liners, & Rock in Green detergent from http://greendiaperdemos.corecommerce.com/Home-Page.html
I bought all my cloth wipes from http://www.etsy.com/shop/scrinchables

*Find & like all these on Facebook also for discounts & specials!*
The Dr. Bronners Castile Soap I got from Target & the extra virgin coconut oil is from the local food co-op.

If you have any questions about cloth I'm more than happy to answer!

30 weeks

30 weeks (almost 31 now) pregnant. Those 7ish weeks are closing in on us quickly. I'm certainly having my moments of "But I just became a SAHM," "How am I going to handle TWO of them?!!", etc etc. Then there's the belly and the endless eating (I totally ate two hotdogs before writing this). I have almost no clothing that fits anymore & my make up is beginning to not match my skin tone. So, yes, if I'm the "nutella face" looking pregnant woman, let me know. (pretty sure if I get any whiter I'll be accepted in to the "Cullen" family)

As I'm getting bigger and those pesky contractions get stronger we search for things to do that aren't too physical these days. Praise the Lord the sun was shining this weekend. Nothing too much more relaxing than sitting by the fire staying warm, & watching the sun go down with Trev after Lexi is in bed. I am so thankful these days. I just cannot get enough of my family. Or my husband. I could not be thankful enough for those late night back rubs through contractions, or him helping with the cloth diaper wash & making dinner. 

Reflection & body image

At the ripe age of 23 I am feeling OLD. I am not sure if it's just because my body is being beaten up by mundane, endless, painful contractions, or if it's because I am chasing around the sweetest 9 month old I know. 

I made the serious mistake of coming across this picture yesterday. I was first runner up Miss Whatcom County 2008. I had near a 6 pack of abs, was tan, had perfectly bleached teeth & highlights were kept up on a regular basis. I had the best boyfriend in the world. He adored my "making myself feel pretty" because he knew it helped me. He, however, liked me regardless (and still does after 8 years of being together). I felt beautiful. I won swimsuit, talent, & overall points with the judges but still ended up in second because they weren't sure I could "commit" due to my intense school schedule.

 Now. NOW...
I am 29.5 weeks pregnant with Kyla. My darling daughter #2. I am white as a ghost, I have circles under my eyes from sleepless nights & my highlights... well, I get those touched up when I can afford to.
Abs? What are those? I haven't seen those since before I got pregnant with Lexi.

I have surpassed the weight I was when I gave birth to Lexi, which puts me weighing in at the most I have in my entire life (with 8 weeks to go, how's that for depressing?). Lately I feel like I'm eating myself into a black hole. 5 days ago I was admitted into labor & delivery for pre-term labor. Contractions 2 minutes apart for over 18 hours. I am thoroughly amazed at what a woman's body can handle! So now I sit, on near bedrest, cuddling my baby girl in our last few weeks of "just us" as I take my pills to keep me from contracting.

This is a picture of me when I was pregnant with Lexi (below). I was exactly 38 weeks pregnant & this is 5am on our way to the hospital. I had only gained a mere 19 pounds & had a super cute tiny baby belly. I also popped right back to my skinny self in no time. I'm not thinking that's as much of a possibility this go around. 

I am larger now than I've ever been. I let my root grow out & don't stay on top of spray tanning. But I am also the happiest I've ever been. I have a husband who loves me very very much, and a precious daughter that I fall more in love with everyday. Lexi, you are going to make a fabulous big sister. Kyla, I cannot wait to meet you, hold you, kiss your face & mother you. 

Children are a blessing. They are a gift. I will give up all body images for this new one: Mom. And I will wear it proud.

Oh yeah... this ^^ is me in my PRE-pregnancy jeans FULL TERM with Lexi. Not happening this time around. Welcome to me not being able to get those suckers up past my thighs, let alone my rear end. HA!

Thank you Lord for showing me what things are truly important in life. For whittling down my selfish ways & forcing me to be grateful & all relying on You and Trevor.

Spring, sunshine, & backyard BBQ's

Ah, finally a sunny weekend here in the pacific northwest! Trev had his first weekend off with the family in months & we decided to make the most of it :)

 Being the overly paranoid mother I am, I not only slathered my daughter in baby SPF, but threw on her jammies and a cute summer hat (that is definitely too small for her now)

 Lexi experiences grass for the first time! This is a downhill slope, so she did, indeed face plant a few times. All in all, I think the grass was a success!

 This past week my baby girl has started crawling on all fours! (as opposed to scooting or "army crawling" around the house) It is quite exciting, and quite exhausting as well.

If this isn't the happiest baby ever I am not sure what is! I'm trying to desperately savor these last moments that involve Lexi being my "only."
I love that I get to write this today. As the pictures from this weekend light me up and it rained once again today.

Pinterest & the "Perfect SAHM" pressures & image

Ah, Pinterest! You have swallowed whole evenings from me when I should be sleeping. Thankfully I've found a couple of keepers!!

 Re-purposing an empty coffee mate container as a snack holder for the girls' diaper bag! This is going to be perfect for road trips! Love that you can see what's in them too!

 Oh Sensory Play!! (more posts to come on this later). Nothing is more satisfying then watching Lexi laugh & giggle while she plays with glowsticks in the bathtub in the dark! So.Much.Fun!!

 Since I've become a full-time SAHM I feel like there's some odd outside pressures and thoughts as to what I should be doing. Baking everything from scratch, a hot meal for the hard working husband every night, perfectly behaved children, & I need to look sexy, skinny & be ready to jump T's bones when he walks through that door! Yeah. NOT.
Like I've said before, I'm learning. I have no problem admitting that. I do, however, feel that so many mothers feel so much outside pressure to achieve all of these things that it ends up hurting relationships & makes them rather work M-F than be home with the kids.

So.. here is my 2nd week as a SAHM. Last night Trev worked so late we didn't have dinner. I ate make shift nachos & watched sappy TLC shows after Lexi went down for the night.
Today, I've done the laundry & attempted to be the perfect SAHM. lol

Home-made Banana Bread! It was delicious! (I would know, being the pregger I am I ate half the loaf) And despite forgetting (darn pregnant mind) the 1 egg the recipe called for the loaf turned out amazing.

 About a month ago while I was still working I decided to make use of yet another pinned item on my Pinterest board. Freezer meals! So I took about 4hrs one morning and made a load of meals! Tonight we're eating savory chicken. Not only does my house smell simply delightful, but I didn't have to barely lift a finger for this hot, home cooked meal :)

Oh yeahhhh. I'll make some mashed potatoes (instant of course; remember, I'm the lazy version of the "Perfect SAHM" and have some corn on the side of this. Mmm Mmm Good!

(More to come on this also, later)- Here I am. Full-blown 28 weeks pregnant with my darling Kyla. Not only do I not fit into any of my "cute bras", but I cannot wear anything but dresses & leggings at this point in my pregnancy. I am at the weight I was when I delivered Lexi & my tummy is certainly larger.
I am working on praying for Kyla daily. Thanking the Lord that he has given me this full, luscious, pregnant body to house her in for 9 months. Body image is a nasty thing. With a mere 9 weeks until C-Section #2 I am trying to focus on the positive, get as prepared as possible, and savor these last moments as having Lexi as my only. My precious 1st daughter.